Category: journal

The Will to Live

What gives you direction in life?

Though life has brought about its various challenges, my faith and family gives me the inspiration and will to live.

There have been seasons in my life that I felt like my life was meaningless and a heavy weight on my shoulders. Not that I want to die or anything but simply that I want the situation or season to pass and pass quickly. Some of those seasons bring a lump to my throat and silent tears roll down my cheeks because the pain is not the kind that one just gets over.

My faith in a God of whom I’ve never seen helps me navigate through those tough seasons. Though not seen, He is ever present with me, from the mountain tops of celebrations to the valleys of despair, He has moved mountains and filled valleys with waves of living waters.

The tangible parts of my journey, the victories, the defeats are that though I may face these seasons alone, I am never lonely. My God is a lamp onto my feet and a light at my path. Though I may only be able to see the first feet or so that the light shines, it guides and directs me in a way that I can trust and believe.

The Chosen Few

List the people you admire and look to for advice…

I mainly pray for wisdom and direction from God. However, when I need a human, I go to my husband first, as he usually has the most insight in the situation because he’s going through it with me.

I have 3 adult children, all daughters, that are my best friends now. We often share with each other what’s happening and ask for feedback and lots of prayers for each other.

My sister, and a few friends, also pray for each other and offer feedback and support.

Not only do I admire each one them but I also respect them and appreciate how willing they are to listen and be there for me when I need them.

To say I’m blessed is an understatement.

Thank God We Can Choose

Do you vote in political elections?

Lady Liberty

In my opinion, many Americans have never known what’s it’s like to not have the privilege of voting. Many, also, do not educate themselves well enough to vote. I’m amazed at how many people get and rely on social media memes to collect information or be influenced by how they vote.

I vote. I educate myself by reading each candidate’s website and by looking at their track record, if they have one. I vote based on my convictions, as well as, the impact of that political person’s worldview.

Free and fair elections are what guarantees our freedom to pursue happiness and participate in what’s known around the globe as, “The American Dream”.

Yes, I vote. It would go against my and my country’s interests, to not vote.

Best pet ever vs worst pet ever

What animals make the best/worst pets?

Let me start by saying I don’t think there are “worst pets”. I do, however, believe that owners of what they deem worst pet ever did several or even some of these things:

1. Did not educate themselves on that type of pet.

2. Made an emotional decision to take in the pet without a practical, thought-out way of caring for the pet or how that pets fits with their lifestyle.

3. Did not include veterinary care/needs in their budget to ensure that pet has the healthiest option for their life.

4. Did not consider the adult size version of the baby version of that pet.

5. Did not provide the environment, care attention and training for that pet to thrive.

6. Took the pet in when they did not have a permanent or stable home for themselves.

Responsible pet owners ultimately have the best pets, for these reasons:

1. Educated themselves on what pet best fits their current lifestyle.

2. Included the pet’s needs and healthcare in their budget.

3. Made sure that they had time to spend with, train and make that pet part of the routine of their life.

4. Had pet sitters on hand so that the pet is cared for in the event that they have to handle something away from home. Similar to what parents do when they need to do something without their kids.

5. Sought to understand the temperament of that pet so that pet feels safe and secure with them and other pets, kids and people in the home.

All pets are wonderful when they’re chosen with knowledge, commitment and care.

Dear Kelliann…

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

What a legacy we have, four beautiful, loving, God-fearing daughters, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. You have lived a full, though challenging life. You have prepared your heart, mind and soul to run to your heavenly father’s arms. All of your prayers, studies, servitude and love for God will come to fruition soon. Everything you ever worried about will make sense as soon as you are absent from the body and present with Christ.

Soon, you will rest for all of eternity. Soon, there will be no more tears, no more pain, no more sorrow, death, suffering, sickness or disease.

Soon, very soon, you will be reunited with many loved ones but most importantly, you will see the one you have worshiped your whole adult life, face-to-face. Joy, beyond comprehension, will be yours for all of eternity. True love will wrapping you in His loving arms. You will see that not one hurt was wasted.

You have waited 81 years to see what has been unseen here, in this world. The supernatural will become your reality. What a glorious day that will be.

Love,

Your 54 yr old self

P.S. It was all worth it.

Insert eye roll here…

Are you superstitious?

The short answer? No. A little more detail? Fine. My mom’s side of the family was incredibly superstitious. To the point of it disrupting our lives. From black cats crossing our path to the numbers 13 and 666, they backed up from all of it. Actually, displayed fear in the confrontation of any of these superstitious ideologies. I can honestly say, I never gave these superstitions any power. Every time these adults shrunk back from broken mirrors that supposedly give you seven years of bad luck to stepping on crack will break your mother’s back, I rolled my eyes, like, “Here we go again.”

Can I just tell you that not one of these superstitions came to fruition. Not. One.

If you struggle with superstition, let me challenge you to inviting the supernatural into your life. The three in one package:

1. Believe God exists

2. Accept Jesus as your Savior from sin and death.

3. Invite the Holy Spirit in to guide and give you wisdom.

The real power is in the supernatural. They aren’t looking to trip you up at your first mistake. Nor are they waiting to dump curses and bad luck on you. They are available to give you life to the full. A life full of blessings and promises that are available to all those that believe. A life full of wisdom to all who ask for it. Faith, hope and love are waiting for you. I am a first hand witness that though the supernatural can’t be seen it can be experienced and it provides shelter, safety and direction for all that life throws at you.

Superstitions only have the power that you give over to them. The supernatural has power that they share with you.

If there is anyone wanting to know more about the supernatural power, feel free to contact me at: kelliann@fromthedepthsofkell.com

May God bless you and make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.

Never lose my roar

Which animal would you compare yourself to and why?

Life is funny sometimes. I find it hard to laugh though. I find myself always on guard, protective of my territory yet nurturing to my family and those that are in my circle. I am the King/Queen of my jungle. If you try to invade my territory it will be the last one you ever attempt. My roar is a warning to leave me alone, what happens after that is all on you. I am in solitude even in a pride of other lions. That solitude isn’t loneliness it is simply what brings me peace. Being alone isn’t a bad thing.

My creator is often referred to as the Lion and the lamb. I admire that imagery, it gives me something to reach for every day. I want to roar like a Lion when my life is in danger. Equally, as a lamb amongst its flock, I want to be a living sacrifice in obedience to my shepherd, knowing one day, my life will be laid down to rest. Understanding that, whether lion or lamb, my purpose is to be teachable, yet a leader, as well as a servant to the ones that represent my legacy.

I have some scars from battle but, in spite of them all, I never lost my roar.

What are you doing?

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

Please, stop.

If I’m in someone’s presence, they are looking right at me and they ask, “What are you doing?”, irritates me more than anything. I think it bothers me for a few reasons. First, you’re looking at me and can see exactly what I’m doing. Next, you can see what I’m doing so you must think I’m doing it wrong. Lastly, you can’t think of anything better to start a conversation with than this. I get put immediately on the defense, in these situations.

Artificial Intelligence isn’t going away.

What is the last thing you learned?

We can coexist

I’m currently taking a class to be certified in AI (artificial intelligence). As a communication major, I’m learning that AI is not only not going away but it plays a very significant role in my career path.

The big misconception is that AI is created to take over human jobs. This could not be further from the truth. AI will relieve people from tedious, repetitive tasks that keep career people from the meat of their positions.

Think of it like this, you’re going to college to become a journalist but you have, what they call, your general education or core classes to complete before you get to your major-specific classes. AI works on your core classes while you work on your major-specific classes. Even more so, AI tests you on what you know on the core classes, then tutors you on the area that you’re weak in. That is a simple visual of how AI will not only improve production but coach/train people to be their best version of themselves in the workplace.

AI is only as smart as the programmer that feeds it its data. The human brain is so much more intrinsic than any AI tool will ever be. We need not be intimidated by it, rather be curious enough to find out how it can be of use to you.

These are 3 of my favorite things

What are three objects you couldn’t live without?

I like to think I’m pretty simple. I don’t need much to have joy and happiness, however, there 3 things/objects that I prefer to not live without:

1. My family. Whether they be blood or non-blood, I can’t go a day without enjoying their company. I love hearing what’s going on in their lives, their dreams, their concerns and whatever is at the forefront of their mind.

2. My Bible. I read my Bible everyday. It brings me peace, wisdom, direction and knowledge in perspective to what is going on in my life. I find myself in God’s presence each time that I read, study and meditate on the word of God.

3. My dog. He’s the most needy and demanding living thing in my house but he’s also the most loving, loyal and comforting little guy at the same time. He’s always excited to see me. He’s a lot like me in that he loves our family and gets so happy when they come over. He lays with me every morning while I read my Bible.

I enjoy many things as they come in and out of my life. These 3 favorites of mine are my constants that I would find hard to live without. I’m so grateful for God to give me so much in this small list of things.

My kids, my life, my reward

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

I’m a girl mom

Having children has taught me so much about life. Each one of my girls brought their own set of lessons for me to learn. I thank God every day that He entrusted them to me. My eldest taught me patience, my next taught me peace, my third taught me joy and my youngest brought me a new perspective on my faith. I am so grateful for the sweet reward of being a girl mom.

Goodbye

Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.

The most difficult goodbye I ever experienced was driving to Kentucky, with my uncle, to my dad’s funeral at 9 years old.

“Old as she was she still missed her daddy sometimes.” Gloria Naylor

This was my first experience with the death of a loved one or death at all. My dad was murdered in his home. Allegedly, by some of his business associates. My dad was shot, execution style, point blank range to his forehead. Then put in a black garbage bag and tossed into a ditch a few miles from his home, according to the police report.

It was too much for a little girl to process. He had a veiled casket due to them not being able to fully reconstruct his face. I said, goodbye to my weekend visits, our bedtime calls and ever hearing my dad’s voice again. Nothing was really the same after that difficult goodbye.

Word.

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

Banning any word is not in my wheelhouse. I can choose not to use them but am against violating someone else’s rights to use whatever words they want. The audacity to suggest banning a word or series of words has the potential to only make people want to use it even more. May I introduce you to Adam and Eve & the forbidden fruit tree? In fact, I get quite annoyed (& probably eye roll too) every time we speak about banning something.

I think that we should focus on ourselves rather than trying to control others choices. In the south, we call that, “mind ya business” or “worry about your own self”. That’s exactly what I’ll continue to do.

Adulting is hard yet rewarding

What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months?

In the next six months, I will begin my masters degree program and prepare my family for buying our first home together, as a married couple. My husband is adopting our youngest daughter. Let’s just say it’s going to be a busy year, for sure.

These things are challenging but the reward upon completion is beyond what I could have thought or imagined, for my younger self. All of the hard work, discipline, dedication and sacrifice was worth it to get here.

It’s hard work, to not try to keep up with our peers. We had to wait to do things that others have done for years. The dedication to the goal requires discipline and focus on the completion of the goals. We had to sacrifice many things that seemed like a need at the time but in reality those things were just a list of wants, that we did just fine without.

Challenges are opportunities to overcome, to grow, to lead and to wait on something better than what you initially had or wanted. I’m up for the challenges life brings my way. Are you?

Girl, you’re gonna make it!

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

Me at 2 years old

Everything you’re about to endure is going to give you the tools to handle the challenges in your future. You are in training for the battle of your life. You are not a victim, you are a warrior, for such a time as this.

Keep moving forward no matter what is in front of you. Press on, press in and trust God with your whole heart. He will be the only relationship that does not let you down. Even in those darkest hours, when you feel as though God has abandoned you, I assure you He has not.

Don’t be afraid to take risks, make mistakes or try new things. Even if you mess up, God can use it and flip the script so long as your end goal is to serve Him and your faith all the days of your life.

You will hit many battles along your timeline of events but the blessings in between, your children and grandchildren will be what gives you the strength and courage to do really hard things.

Whatever you do hold onto hope, do not let anything steal your peace and do not allow anyone to take up free rent space in your head. Read your Bible, go to Church, serve every chance you get.

Save your money while you’re young. Educate yourself on the difference between needs and wants. Needs are water, food, shelter, clothing and a healthy, peaceful home. Wants are desires of the heart. Those wants will come in due time, nothing is as immediate as you think at the time.

Give yourself time to process for at least 24 hours on big decisions and big expenses. It’s interesting how giving yourself space between a want and the actual cost of your time, talents and resources will save you from buyer’s remorse.

Finally, girl, you’re gonna make it!

Love,

Your Future Self

Family First but that dog…

Who are your favorite people to be around?

My family is the most important to me. I’ll start with my girls. I have four incredibly talented, beautiful, smart and daughters. I am so proud to be their momma. I have such a wonderful relationship with each of them. I am so blessed that God would allow me to be a part of who they are today. Being around them individually or all together fills my heart to the full.

Next, my grandchildren are my legacy’s future. Each one of them having their unique gifts and talents. I love hearing their laughter as we sit around eating good food, playing games inside or playing sports outside. What a joy each one of them brings to my life.

My husband is my safe, happy place, where I can be me. He rolls with the good, the bad and the ugly with me. There is nothing we can’t do together. Yet, we each have our individual stuff too but it doesn’t separate us, if that makes sense. Even when we’re doing our own thing, I feel close to Him.

But that little dog of mine. Who would’ve known that this little 14 lb dog would bring loads and loads of joy into our home.

My home is my favorite place to be and my family are my favorite ones to love.

Our newest grandson and my 2nd oldest daughter

No shoes no service

Tell us about your favorite pair of shoes, and where they’ve taken you.

All my life shoes have felt like a burden. I found that my toes sifting white sandy beaches are the best thing to ever wrap around my soul. Soles separate me from the warmth of the sand. Give me a beach where I can rest my weary head and sift all of my cares away. Let these bare soles take me where there’s no phone service and no shoes required.

It’s not what you think.

Share one of the best gifts you’ve ever received.

I remember the day He reached me on His mission to save me. I was 16 years old. First, I received a King James Bible, with my name inscribed on it, for my birthday. Mind you, I was not raised in a Christian home.

Next, I read the forward entitled, “Jesus: Man for All Time”. It blew my mind that nobody was talking about Jesus, at least around me. I became extremely sensitive to the words I consumed that day. I sensed a reverence towards this man, Jesus, of whom I knew very little about that day.

About a year after that, I was at a Hallmark store and saw a plaque with the poem, “A letter from a Friend”. I’ll include a copy of it at the end.

Jesus reached me through word, the Bible through revelation by educating me on Who He is. It was like I had this divine appointment on my calendar that I didn’t put there but somehow knew I needed to be there. Finally, through a poem on a plaque, in a Hallmark store.

How else would he reach a writers’ heart but through these means of communication. He was in relentless pursuit of me, while I was as far away as I could get from Him.

And that was just the betrothal stages 🥰

He sealed the deal with a Sermon Series on a Father to the Fatherless in 1989. This was so significant because my father was murdered when I was 9 years old. I learned that I was no longer fatherless, no longer orphaned but adopted into God’s family and I was never as alone as I often thought.

So, don’t, nobody, try to tell me Jesus isn’t who He says He is. He pursued me, when I needed Him the most. What a gift it is to know Jesus, deeply, intimately and intentionally.

A letter from a Friend

Dream home

Write about your dream home.

My dream home is not a structure but an atmosphere. Where peace welcomes and love embraces everyone that crosses its threshold. A place where God is revered, honored and glorified. Where unity reigns, joy strengthens and wisdom leads. When this atmosphere resides in any structure, my dream home becomes a reality.

When your spouse is your BFF…

You get some great, amazingly fantastic news. What’s the first thing you do?

This is us

No matter the news, my go to person is my spouse. He gets me. Sometimes, even more than myself.