Category: Devotional

Nobody Makes It Out Alive Week 3 Day 4 Grief: Negotiations

“My heart beats fast inside me. Death seems very close, and I am very afraid. I am shaking with fear! My troubles are too much for me. So I say, ‘If I had wings to fly like a dove, I would fly away to a safe place. Yes! I would go far away, and I would live in the wilderness. Selah.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭55:4-7‬ ‭EASY‬‬

Negotiations towards heaven is a heavy, unrealistic step in a desperate, last ditch effort, to avoid the pain that is coming. It is unavoidable and we know it subconsciously but not consciously, yet. There is so much that is unknown and known at the same time. Yet, in our human mind, we have to at least try to avoid what is coming. The deeper the relationship, the deeper the pain. Fear of what life will look like now causes even more retreat in every area of our life. We just need a moment for all of it to stop revealing life without them. So we begin to negotiate what we’re willing to do for God if He would just stop what is happening. We’re hurting so bad and everyone trying to fix us, at this stage, can’t and the only thing to remove the pain is to reverse the loss but deep inside we know that it’s final.

Death is nonnegotiable, unavoidable for us and every living thing, yet we fight it with every ounce of breath we have. In my opinion, we do this because we’re wired for eternity not for the temporary time and space of this world. We have a start date (birth) and an expiration date (death) yet if we are believers this temporary life is not the end. We have hope to see each other once again. Hope in an eternal relationship with God that takes us to our eternal home not our eternal grave.

If you’ve lost a loved one that you’re grieving for right now whether it’s been 2 days or 20 years, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to miss them, it’s okay to want them to be a part of your right now moments. When it becomes an issue is in when it no longer honors their legacy or the living people around you.

Lord, this is a hard topic. We all will face this. Nobody makes it out of here alive. Help us grieve, Lord as we know You grieve with us. Help us honor the time we have and had with our loved ones. Help us share those memories with the people we still have. Every day is a special gift. Let us choose wisely how we honor the dead amongst the living. Help us truly seize the day as you intended us to. Amen.

“David and his men cried aloud. They continued to cry until they were too weak to cry any more.”
‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭30:4‬ ‭EASY‬‬

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Grief: Negotiations

Week 3 Nobody Makes It Out Alive Day 3 Grief: Anger

“My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night I lift my voice, but I find no relief.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭22:1-2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Anger is so appropriate after denial, isn’t it? Facing the injustice of death of a loved one or an end to a situation we thought we could count on forever. Rage begins to bubble for various reasons when we realize that the loss is irreversible. We start thinking of how unfair it all is, what we would’ve done differently had we had the chance. That sinking feeling that however our last moments were spent with that person we will not have another chance for a do-over.

The key for me in this stage of grief is to get it out by writing in my ugly journal. Yes that’s a real thing. I have a journal that my pen has gouged through, scratch marks that looks like a crime scene as well as my most unedited thoughts.. While other pages have words that would be rated with parental advisory in them. This journal is not for anyone but God and me. God, already knowing and understanding my pain, my frustration, my tear stained pages, He is the only one that gets the “why” behind my anger. He is the only One of whom I can trust in my own fragility to get me on through to other side.

Anger is normal. What is not normal or healthy is to let it live inside of you. If we allow anger to live inside of us, it will grow and it will slowly move every other necessary emotion out of us until we can’t process in love.

If you struggle with anger, get help to learn how to undo it’s damage to yourself and the ones living around you. Once someone is gone, through death or loss, or a season with them is over, our responsibility from here on out is to take care of our health and well-being as well as the people still with us. It doesn’t mean that we forget the person we lost. What it means is we find gratitude for the time we did have with them. Resting on anger for too long will not only destroy our current relationships but will destroy us too.

Lord, help us process our anger in a healthy way and show us how to get on the other side of it. We might wrestle with it more than once on this journey, but Lord, we don’t want it to consume us and the relationships we still have. Amen.

“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:26-27‬ ‭MSG‬‬

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Grief: Anger

Week 3 Nobody Makes It Out Alive Day 2 Grief: The delusion of denial

“Be kind and patient in a way that everyone can see. Remember that the Lord is near. Do not worry about anything. Instead, pray to God about everything. Ask him to help you with the things that you need. And thank him for his help. If you do that, God will give you peace in your minds. That peace is so great that nobody can completely understand it. You will not worry or be afraid, because you belong to Christ Jesus.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:5-7‬ ‭EASY‬‬

Most, or close to all, experts agree that the necessity to process loss is vital to being able to function physically, emotionally and mentally without the person or thing that they lost. Watching a loved one go through the process of loss and grief can be challenging. Many times we don’t know how to respond to our own grief so we fail at supporting others through theirs. Whether your watching someone you love process their grief or working through your own grief, reach out, listen, hug, cry but whatever you do, do not do nothing.

I am high on the list of people that when I do not know what to do, I do nothing. I shut down and am comfortable pushing everyone away, when I’m hurting. I tend to go silent if someone else is hurting for fear of saying something the wrong way and worse, being responsible for making them feel worse. I’m learning ways to break that habit of going silent when people I love are hurting. Go ahead and steal these if you struggle with this too. The first thing I do is reach out and acknowledge their loss. A simple: “I’m so sorry for your loss.”The other thing I do is follow up and let them know I’m thinking of them. It goes something like this: “Hey, I was thinking of you today. I’m available if you need to talk.” What I don’t do anymore is ask how they’re doing. That question triggers me so I just stopped saying it. Grieving people need to grieve at their own pace. If you’re genuine, just be available. You don’t have to fix it, or preach at anyone or force them through the process. Everyone grieves differently. So by giving yourself and others permission to go through the process at your/their own pace is typically well-received. The fact is it hurts. Let the pain of the loss be felt without judgement or guilt. We/they eventually get through the pain to acceptance but there are some more steps in the process to get there. Be patient with yourself and with others that are experiencing loss.

The denial step gives us a minute to protect ourselves from the pain coming as a result of losing someone or something that we love. However, if we sit in denial for too long it becomes a delusion that no longer protects us but lies to us about reality. This distorts our ability to make the best decisions in the middle of our pain. Denial is part of the process but is meant to be temporary. It’s intended to give us a minute to catch our breath from the big blow to our gut and heart. Catch your breath my friend but don’t stay here too long. If you stay here too long, it will hurt you and the ones living around you, in the long-run.

Lord, help us through the steps of grief with your word and promise of peace. We believe that in due time we will be able to honor the time we had with our loved one that has passed or be grateful for the season we had with a specific thing but while the loss is still fresh, we are hurting. We can’t face this without Your comfort and peace. Help us take the time while in this step of denial to find the strength within us to face this loss. Amen.

“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:8-9‬ ‭MSG‬‬

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Grief: The delusion of denial

Beautifully Broken by K.Howard

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Beautifully Broken by K.Howard

Nobody Makes It Out Alive: Week 1 Day 5 Distractions-Addictions

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8

Let’s start with the definition of addiction: Addiction is when the body or mind badly wants or needs something in order to work right. When you have addiction to something it is called being addicted or being an addict. People can be addicted to drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, and many other things. (according to Addiction – Simple English Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia )

This is my philosophy on addictions. I do not have any degrees or even an addictive personality. However, I have watched the lives that once were thriving persons in life, slowly lose hope in each passing moment that they give into their addictions. Whether it is drugs, pornography, food, relationships, vanity or fill in the blank_______. They all had a common denominator from my side of their addiction. A hole that was left through loss, trauma or self-hate. Instead of allowing God to repair the hole they let it fill up with their addiction of choice trying to hide or mask their pain but no matter how many times they turned to their addiction they ended up more empty than before.

I have also observed people that have that same addictive personality look to God for repair. They turn away from their addiction of choice and choose time with God, they choose support from people with similar addictions. They choose to fight for their break away from their addictive behavior. It is a daily choice. They seize the day in such a way that it inspires me to do better. I am in no way minimizing the mental battle that the addict faces on the daily, I am saying that people that do not lean on their own strength to conquer their addictions win that day. And eventually they get some consecutive days that turn into months and years of success.

If you are struggling with an addiction there is help for you. You do not have to struggle alone. Celebrate Recovery (google it, there are support groups everywhere) is a faith-based organization that meets the addict, right where they are, regardless of what the struggle is. A support group gives you support, tools and accountability to turn that addiction over to God and let Him heal you. Don’t try to fix everything at once, just focus on winning the day in front of you. You got this.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” 1 Peter 5:6

“We all experience times of testing, which is normal for every human being. But God will be faithful to you. He will screen and filter the severity, nature and timing of every test or trial you face so that you can bear it. And each test is an opportunity to trust Him more, for along every trial God has provided for you a way of escape that will bring you out of it victoriously.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

Lord, I pray for the addicted reading this today. I pray that they would have a supernatural encounter with You, Lord, that they would let you help them win the day in front of them. With each day you bless them with breath, I pray that they use that breath for the passion and purpose that you designed them for. Light the fire of purpose inside of them so that they can face their addictions with courage, confidence and conquer it once and for all. It’s never too late to quit quitting. Amen.

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Distractions-Addiction