“Be kind and patient in a way that everyone can see. Remember that the Lord is near. Do not worry about anything. Instead, pray to God about everything. Ask him to help you with the things that you need. And thank him for his help. If you do that, God will give you peace in your minds. That peace is so great that nobody can completely understand it. You will not worry or be afraid, because you belong to Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:5-7 EASY
Most, or close to all, experts agree that the necessity to process loss is vital to being able to function physically, emotionally and mentally without the person or thing that they lost. Watching a loved one go through the process of loss and grief can be challenging. Many times we don’t know how to respond to our own grief so we fail at supporting others through theirs. Whether your watching someone you love process their grief or working through your own grief, reach out, listen, hug, cry but whatever you do, do not do nothing.
I am high on the list of people that when I do not know what to do, I do nothing. I shut down and am comfortable pushing everyone away, when I’m hurting. I tend to go silent if someone else is hurting for fear of saying something the wrong way and worse, being responsible for making them feel worse. I’m learning ways to break that habit of going silent when people I love are hurting. Go ahead and steal these if you struggle with this too. The first thing I do is reach out and acknowledge their loss. A simple: “I’m so sorry for your loss.”The other thing I do is follow up and let them know I’m thinking of them. It goes something like this: “Hey, I was thinking of you today. I’m available if you need to talk.” What I don’t do anymore is ask how they’re doing. That question triggers me so I just stopped saying it. Grieving people need to grieve at their own pace. If you’re genuine, just be available. You don’t have to fix it, or preach at anyone or force them through the process. Everyone grieves differently. So by giving yourself and others permission to go through the process at your/their own pace is typically well-received. The fact is it hurts. Let the pain of the loss be felt without judgement or guilt. We/they eventually get through the pain to acceptance but there are some more steps in the process to get there. Be patient with yourself and with others that are experiencing loss.
The denial step gives us a minute to protect ourselves from the pain coming as a result of losing someone or something that we love. However, if we sit in denial for too long it becomes a delusion that no longer protects us but lies to us about reality. This distorts our ability to make the best decisions in the middle of our pain. Denial is part of the process but is meant to be temporary. It’s intended to give us a minute to catch our breath from the big blow to our gut and heart. Catch your breath my friend but don’t stay here too long. If you stay here too long, it will hurt you and the ones living around you, in the long-run.
Lord, help us through the steps of grief with your word and promise of peace. We believe that in due time we will be able to honor the time we had with our loved one that has passed or be grateful for the season we had with a specific thing but while the loss is still fresh, we are hurting. We can’t face this without Your comfort and peace. Help us take the time while in this step of denial to find the strength within us to face this loss. Amen.
“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”
Philippians 4:8-9 MSG
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From the Depths of Kell 